To Die a Virgin

Author: Bennie
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing Roswell.
Character Focus: General UC slash all around, with some het overtones.
Spoilers: Oh, I wish … sigh … In fact, pretend the last 6 or so episodes of S2 never happened.
Author's Note: This little piece of utter fluff is the end result of an exercise to exorcise writer's block, nothing more. Don't even bother looking for a plot, or you know, relevance. But it was awfully fun to write, tee hee … oh, and thanks, Debbie. "Cyclin' Studs", indeed.

---

"I," Liz pronounced grimly, "am going to die a virgin."

And with that, she threw herself onto her bed and sighed with the heartfelt melodrama of a true gothic heroine.

They couldn't help it. They tried. Maria bit her lip. Isabel schooled her Ice Princess features into a mask of disdain. Tess let herself grin but couldn't meet anyone's eyes.

But it happened. Tess did meet Maria's eyes. And she giggled. It was a tiny giggle, but it set off Maria, and then Isabel snorted because she was trying not to laugh, and then Maria and Tess laughed because Isabel - Isabel Evans - had snorted, and then the dam broke and all three just gave in to the moment.

Liz sat up, frowning as she surveyed her three hysterical friends.

"Guys," she said, wounded.

They were laughing too hard to acknowledge her.

"Guys", she said louder, allowing a little of her irritation to show.

Nothing. Just laughing. And then Isabel snorted again, and Liz found her lips twitching reflexively.

"Ah hell," she sighed, and soon all four of them had succumbed to the sheer hilarity of the moment.

---

"So," Maria said presently, "why do you think you're going to die a virgin?"

Liz made sure no one was laughing before she spoke.

"Something Kyle said."

Tess snickered. "Oh, god, if he's going through that lamp-trimming phase again …"

Maria snickered too; her step-brother had gotten so weird. Between the religion and the alien lovin', he was just too spaced out to take seriously sometimes. "Well, from the noises I've heard come from his room, I think I can safely say he's working his way through any issues he may have about sex with enthusiasm."

Isabel looked mildly nauseated.

"'Issues'?" Tess inquired. "Does that mean he's got the new Cyclin' Studs and Busty Biker Babes?"

"Hey," Maria protested indignantly. "Those magazines are an affront to womenkind everywhere, and -"

"Maria," Tess interrupted what was becoming a bit of a rant; she knew the signs. "Don't stress it, okay? Those women have nothing on you. Nothing." And with that she leaned over to give Maria a wink and a light kiss.

Pouting but mollified, Maria acquiesced. "Well, as long as we're clear on that."

Liz and Isabel exchanged glances and rolled their eyes. "Like it wasn't bad enough, having to hear about my brother that way, now I have to watch this," Isabel moaned, but she was smiling.

Liz smiled too. "I think Max and Kyle are good for each other," she defended them. "And if they enjoy ..." suddenly her eyes misted over and she sniffed. "If they are having sex, I for one am … happy … for them. Really." And with every word, she came closer and closer to crying openly.

Isabel scooted over; Maria and Tess were still distracted.

"Oh, come on, it's not so bad. I mean, look at all the problems that come along with having sex. You're safer if you don't rush into things."

Liz looked at her for a moment. "What do you mean, exactly? Are we just talking pregnancy and diseases here, because I wouldn't do anything unprepared."

Isabel giggled reflexively. "Like I ever doubted that. Let me guess," she proposed, looking at Liz speculatively. "You've been on the Pill for, what, three months now?"

"Four."

"And you probably have at least two kinds of condoms hidden in your room somewhere."

Wordlessly, Liz pulled a pillow over to her, opened the zippered case it was in, and shook it. Condoms of every size, make, colour, flavour and texture fell out. All had expiry dates that were at least a year away.

The display caught Tess and Maria's attention, and they looked on with bemused interest.

"Lubrication?"

Liz opened the drawer in her bedside table and pulled out several innocuous looking tubes. After examining them, she dropped one on the bed between the two girls.

Isabel was really getting into this.

"Um … spermicidal jelly?"

Liz chose another tube.

Tess interrupted then, eyes twinkling. "Blindfold?"

Maria slapped her lightly on one shoulder. "Stop that! Like Liz would ever -"

She forgot what she was saying when Liz grabbed the tangle of hair ties she kept in a box by her bed and pulled out two, one of silk and one of -

"Is that leather?" Isabel asked before she could stop herself. Liz nodded.

"The leather bustier and bodysuit are in my closet." Noticing their looks, she explained, "I liked how they matched, and well, they were on sale. It was really very practical."

Maria looked at Liz a little oddly, remembering something Liz had once told her about her one stay in jail.

"H-handcuffs?" she managed to ask, although she stuttered a bit. Beside her, Tess perked up.

Liz pulled her jewelry box - the one with the ballerina on top - onto her lap to remove the false bottom. With a sigh, she pulled out a pair of realistic-looking but lightweight cuffs and handed them to Maria. And with another, she pulled out something else.

"Um, Liz -" Isabel tried to say, before choking on her own words.

Liz shrugged. "Threesome cuffs," she explained.

The three other girls just stared at her.

"Ménage a trois?" Isabel gulped.

Liz shook her head. "Actually, that's a misnomer. A lot of people think a threesome is a ménage a trois, but that's really when three people have a living or lifestyle arrangement in which at least one of the partners is involved sexually with both the others."

"Oh," Isabel said, a little weakly, staring at Liz as if she'd never seen her before.

"Wait!" Maria looked Liz significantly. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Liz looked at Maria blankly.

"Olfactory stimulation?" Maria said pointedly, thinking of her own set of sniffing oils at home.

Liz's mouth twitched slightly as she turned to pull some bottles out of the drawer she'd taken the tubes out of earlier.

Tess looked at the labels as the four girls passed them around. "Massage oil, scented oil, flavoured oil, heating oil …"

"Heating?" Isabel interrupted.

Getting a nod of permission from Liz, Tess opened the cap and poured a tiny bit onto her fingertips, which she then used to rub Isabel's arm. The light friction immediately created a delicious warmth on Isabel's skin.

The tall girl's eyes grew very, very round, and she turned to Liz.

"What … I mean, who … when … why do you have all this stuff?"

Liz looked at her steadily for a moment, but then burst into tears.

Isabel automatically put her arms around the smaller girl in consternation. She hadn't realized Liz was so upset, or so … so frustrated, if the way her nipples responded to even this innocent gesture was any indication. Isabel thought for a moment, and then turned to Maria and Tess.

"You guys, do you mind if I talk to Liz alone for a minute?"

They nodded, obviously concerned. "Actually," Tess said, "it's pretty late. Why don't we call it a night?"

Maria nodded, torn between wanting to be there for Liz and joining Tess on the pullout couch in the living room. Mr. and Mrs. Parker were away for the weekend, and it wasn't like the two of them would have to pretend, or keep the volume down … blinking a little at the way her thoughts got away from her, Maria pulled herself together and followed Tess out of the room, pausing only to squeeze Liz's shoulder. "We're here if you need anything, okay chica?"

Head still buried against Isabel's shoulder, Liz managed to smile weakly and nod. "Th-thanks, Maria," she sniffed, and waited until Maria had closed the door behind her and Tess before turning to Isabel.

"What is it?"

Isabel grinned. "Two things. First of all, here's a clue. You don't want to die a virgin? Newsflash: Michael's been trying to get you to notice him for weeks."

Liz perked up. "Really?" She frowned. "Then why is he always picking fights and stuff? I swear, it's like -"

Isabel just looked at her.

"Oh," Liz said, blushing. "Um, what was the other thing?"

"I am very curious about several of these items."

Liz blushed a little deeper. It was charming. "Um, yeah. Uh, would - would you like a, er, hands-on demonstration? You know, since you're already here and it's all out?"

Isabel just grinned, and reached over to undo the top button of Liz's demure nightshirt.

"Start with the leather."

The End