Pulse

"She what?"

She sighed and shook her head. "She submitted my name to a contest. A radio contest -"

"For a date?" I wanted to kill Maria. Not for the first time.

"- yeah, and I -" she shrugged, looked down and smiled a little. "And I won."

I rolled my eyes. "She must've freaked when you said you weren't going."

She looked at me, her mouth slightly open. Blinked twice. "Not going?" she said.

"What, you're thinking of doing it?"

"No, no," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, not if you don't want me to."

If you don't want me to - "Are you trying to manipulate me?" I said, rising up off her bed.

"No!" She bit her lip and her hands clutched at her upper arms. "I just - you know, if you don't want me to go, then I won't."

It was such a small thing. She just wanted to hear me say I didn't want her to go.

She should already know that.

I remembered Max. ...She just goes into slow motion...

It was only a matter of time.

"If you want to go, then go," I said, glaring at her. "Fine by me."

She looked wounded and defiant all at once. "Fine," she said. "Then I'm going."

I shook my head and snorted a laugh. "Whatever," I said, throwing my hands in the air. I turned my back to her and went for the window. "See ya."

I was off the rooftop and down the street before she could stop me. That's more like it, I thought, walking down the street by myself. this is better.

Alone. No manipulations. No problems. Nobody too close.

It wasn't good, but it was familiar. Much easier to focus that way. Yeah, definitely better.

I felt the truth closing in on me, and broke into a run.

*********************

"All right, look. We know the cave painting is a map."

"Michael, we don't know anything," Max said.

"I feel it, ok? I mean, it was clear in my hallucination."

The one where Liz showed up. [i]Shut up, Guerin. Focus.

"Hallucination would be the key word there," Max muttered.

"Let him talk, Max," Isabel said. "What's wrong with you today?"

"Why invest yourself in something that you know isn't going to work out?"

He was ragging on me and thinking about Liz. Pathetic.

Yeah, like you're doing much better, Guerin.

"Don't bring your personal problems into this," I snapped.

"I'm talking about the search you're on. Trying to find someone who could possibly hurt us if we ever find them."

"The 4th alien is not a killer, he's one of us," I said.

"You heard Hubble tell us about the other victims -"

"No, I heard a crazy man," I said. I turned to Is. "Tell him. Tell him we gotta find this guy."

She didn't say a word. I was going to have to do everything myself. Alone.

As usual.

"Fine," I said, getting up. The cafe gave me a headache anyway. People were bringing in microphones and hovering around Liz.

"Both of you sit here with your cherry colas and your high school fantasies. I'm going to find him."

***************************

Isabel looked surprised to see me.

"I think I've figured it out. I think I can read the map," I said, gesturing toward her window. "Come on, I'll show you."

"But what about the concert? Alex got us tickets..."

Not her too - "Well, it's either the concert or discovering where we come from."

"What about Max?"

"What about Max? Last I heard, he didn't seem too interested."

"He's just worried, Michael," she said. "He's worried about you."

"Yeah, look, the only father I need is the one out there waiting for us to find him," I said, turning to go. "Let's go."

****************************

"I think this is as close as you've ever come to the library, Michael," Isabel said.

I ignored her. "It's right here on the map. Look," I pointed at the paper in my lap.

"This is the constellation I saw in my dream. It's Aries, the ram. And this," I said, pointing again, "is the symbol Nasedo left us at the cave. If you take a map of Roswell and you position it properly when Aries is directly overhead, all the rest of these symbols take on locations. And this one's right here at the library."

"How'd you know how to do all that, Michael?" she whispered.

I don't know. "I just knew," I muttered, folding up the paper.

"I don't think we should be doing this."

"Isabel," I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice, "he sent us a signal. We gotta send him one back. This is how we're gonna find him."

"Yeah, but what if he's -"

"What if he's the killer?" I asked. She nodded.

"Only one way to find out."

****************************

"Are you sure about this?" she asked.

Nasedo could get us away from here. Away from Liz?

Shut up, Guerin -

"More sure than I've ever been about anything in my life."

"I just -" She looked concerned. "I just don't want you to get hurt, Michael."

"Max is wrong," I said.He's not human. No matter how bad he wants it.

I knew what that was like.

I shook it off. "Nasedo's the only one we have."

"We still have each other," she said quietly. "Isn't that enough?"

I looked at Is. She and Max had each other. Good grades, nice cars. A family that loved them.

No, Is, it'll never be enough.

"I'm just - I'm just afraid that you won't find what you're looking for," she stammered. "Or that maybe you will and you won't need Max or me anymore."

Even when she disagreed with everything I did, Is still stood by me. I smiled a little.

"That's not possible," I said. "ok?"

I turned to the ropes and the fire lept up. Burning into the sky. He would see it. He had to see it.

He never showed up.

****************************

She waved her hand and got rid of the charred ropes on the ground.

Nothing. No signal. He wasn't coming.

"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" I mumbled.

"No," she said gently. It reminded me of Liz. "Not stupid."

"Just forget it. He's not gonna come."

"Maybe not tonight -"

"No, not ever," I said. "No one ever comes for me."

"I will," she said. "Whenever you need me."

Why didn't that make me feel better?

****************************

Is took the jeep back. I told her I wanted to walk. She nodded and let me go, touching my arm as she left.

I kept my eyes on the ground as I walked. It was better than looking up at an empty sky.

I don't know how far I walked. I just know where I ended up.

The first thing I saw when I looked up was the cafe.

I just wanted to see her.

Two minutes, I bargained with myself. I'll be quiet. She won't even know I'm there.

You idiot, Guerin.

I turned the corner and reached for the fire escape.

"Michael?" I looked up.

She was halfway down the fire escape.

***************************

She headed back up to the rooftop. I followed her. So much for 'she'll never know I'm there'.

"Hey," she said when I reached the rooftop. Her hair was loose and shiny. She was wearing a black dress I'd never seen before.

She looked incredible.

"Hey," I mumbled.

"I didn't expect to see you tonight," she said softly.

"Yeah, I -" Was that makeup?

She looked better without it.

"- I didn't either," I finished. "Expect it."

"I was coming to see you," she said.

"What?" I asked, my head snapping up.

No one ever comes for me.

"Michael, why are you looking at me like that?"

I didn't answer. She was watching me. I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"So -" I licked my lips. "What were you coming to tell me?"

"Max came to see me tonight," she said.

I froze. "He did," I mumbled.

"Yeah," she said. "And he kissed me, Michael."

The ground was wobbly under my feet. I thought about the jump to the ground.

Only a matter of time, Guerin.

"I needed to tell you that," she said. "And something else."

First Nasedo and now Liz. My chest hurt. She was still talking.

"- I was on my date, and it was awful, Michael, I mean Doug was nice, but he," she paused. "he wasn't you, Michael -"

I tried to listen over the roar in my head.

"- and then Kyle and Max were in my bedroom, and then the radio people showed up and they wanted me to choose someone, so I -" she swallowed. "I did what I thought you wanted me to do."

I tried to make my mouth work. "Which was -"

"I kissed Max."

She kissed Max.

First Nasedo and now Liz.

"Okay," I mumbled, turning towards the fire escape. My chest felt like it would implode. "Okay." I reached for the fire escape.

She grabbed my arm. "Michael, I kissed him because I thought that's what you wanted."

"What?" I said, looking at her. My voice broke. "You think that's what I want?"

"You're so distant, Michael, and we had that fight about that stupid date, and - I feel like you keep pushing me to him, and -" she looked like she was going to cry. "- and I thought maybe it would work," her voice dropped to a whisper. "Maybe I could forget about you."

I remembered Maria kissing me at the convention. After the wrestling match. And I'd kissed back, hoping it would work.

So I wouldn't miss Liz so much.

"It didn't work, Michael," she whispered. She was crying now. "It didn't work. I was coming to find you, to tell you that.

"Even if you keep pushing me to be with him, I won't feel about him the way I feel about you."

She doesn't mean it.

Her mouth opened and her fingers clutched my coat.

{Yes, Michael,} I heard in my head. {I do.}

I tried to breathe. She bit her lip. "There's something else, Michael -"

There was always something else. I didn't care anymore.

I lunged for her.

*********************

I don't remember how we got into my room. He had one hand in my hair, the other on the small of my back. He'd picked me up, out on the fire escape, and was carrying me. I'd wrapped my legs around his waist.

All I cared about was that he was kissing me, finally, I thought, finally he believes me, and I didn't want him to stop. I didn't want anything to stop. Everything felt as intense as the first time he'd kissed me. His hand moved down my arm, and all the fine hairs stood on end. He kissed my neck, and I felt electricity rippling through my body. And when he kissed me -

I didn't want him to stop. He kept thinking my name, over and over, and a hundred other thoughts that made me weak in the knees. And I heard everything, saw everything, in my head.

I'd never felt that connected to anyone. I didn't know it was possible.

I laced my ankles together behind his back and felt him breathe sharply against my mouth. He pulled me tighter and stumbled backwards, our equilibrium suddenly off-balance, and I felt his body hit something in my room.

and i held you there, thinking
I would offer you my pulse
If i thought it would be useful
I would give you my breath...

Ani's voice rose out of the CD player. I felt Michael's arm leave my back and a second later the music stopped. His mouth never left mine.

He lifted me higher, tracing his hand and his mouth over my collarbone and down my body. I gasped and arched my back, one hand on his shoulder, the other in his hair.

{God, Michael -}

It felt incredible. It did. But I missed his mouth. I opened my eyes and looked down at him, ready to move down to kiss him. That's when I saw his hands on my body.

They were glowing white.

"Michael," I whispered.

He raised his head to look at me, breathing hard. I took my hand off his shoulder and pointed at his hand. "Look," I murmured.

His palm was pressed flat against my body but we could still see the outline of white. He turned his hand over.

The light was almost blinding. We both flinched away from it and he set me down.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"I don't know," he whispered back, looking at both hands now. Both were bright. He looked at me again. "I think it's you."

"Me?" I looked at his hands and back at him. "Why would -"

He moved one of his hands to my neck and trailed a finger over my skin. "Cool," he said.

"What?" I said. "What did you -"

"Look," he said thickly, moving me in front of him and turning me around to my mirror. I could see him standing behind me. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

He pressed his fingertips up to my cheek and I fought the impulse to arch against him.

"Watch," he whispered, moving his fingers down my jawline and neck. My eyes widened.

Four lines of light trailed behind his fingers, and merging into a bright, iridescent swath on my skin. It disappeared a few seconds after his hand left my body.

So that's what it looks like when he touches me.

{No, Liz, that's never happened before.}

I turned around and looked up at him. "Are you scared?" he asked.

"No," I whispered.

"I am," he whispered back.

{I don't want to stop, Michael -}

I was back in his arms. He'd lifted me up to kiss him and I wrapped my legs around him and everything was perfect, he touched me and shockwaves coursed through my skin, my heart, my blood, he kissed me and I felt perfect, whole, filled with light. He moaned my name against my mouth and kissed me deeper, with even more intensity. I closed my eyes and something inside me quickened and started to pulse and I love him, I thought, not caring if he heard me, I love him so much -

Something inside me opened up.

**************************

I opened my eyes and gasped.

Everything looked the way it did when I was communicating with Michael.

The intense colors, colors I'd never seen before I communicated with him, and the sharp, detailed vision, letting me see the microscopic fibers of his shirt, the energy in his hand -

I placed my hands against his chest and pushed myself back to see him better.

Michael was glowing. Not just his hands. All of him was pulsing with this faint, iridescent light. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. It was -

energy. I was stunned when I realized it.

I was seeing the energy coursing through Michael's body. I don't know how I knew it. I just did.

{Liz, are you okay?}

{No -} I fought to understand what I was seeing. {- I'm not.} I looked down at my hands, still palms down on his chest.

A faint glow outlined them both.

{Oh my god.}

{Liz -} he was sounding urgent now. {- what's wrong?}

I lifted a hand up and touched his face. My fingertips tingled, felt warm. I let my hand lower an inch.

A small, iridescent trail followed my fingertips. I felt him tremble.

{Liz, tell me -}

I pushed harder against his chest and he lowered me to the ground. I dragged him over to the mirror, placed him in front of it, then stood perpendicular to the mirror. I looked at his reflection. "Watch," I whispered.

I trailed my hand over his skin. His skin glowed under my touch. His jaw dropped.

"How can you -"

{I don't know,} I thought, watching his reflection. {I just can. What did it feel like?}

{...electric, I guess. Warm. Your hands are warm.}

Just like when he touched me.

{We should stop, Liz.} He swallowed and fought to control his breathing. {Do you want to stop?}

I turned away from the mirror and looked up at him. "Stop asking me that," I said. "I'm not changing my mind."

"Okay," he breathed. "I'll stop asking."

He pulled me close to him, crushing my mouth with his.

*********************************

I touched her face softly, moved my fingertips across her cheek, down towards her jawline. My hands were getting warmer.

When my fingers slid over her pulse, she moaned. I stopped moving. She started to tremble.

She slid her hand up my chest, over my shoulder and up my neck, bringing her touch to my pulse. I gasped and pulled her closer to me.

It felt like waves of energy rippling through my body. Stronger than before.

Liz, what's happening?

She said my name and I didn't care what was happening anymore. I didn't know how to stop.

And I didn't want to.

I slid my other hand over her shoulder and down her back, resting on the small of her back. She gasped a little and arched against me.

Something inside me opened up.

********************************

Michael's hand was on my skin. Not the hand on my pulse which was still making me tremble. His other hand, on my back. On my dress. I broke the kiss.

"What," he murmured, trying to kiss me again. I dodged his lips and craned my neck around, looking in the mirror. He took it as an offer and his lips grazed my neck. I tried to stay focused.

His hand was on my dress, still glowing. {Michael, how did you -}

He raised his head and followed my gaze to the mirror's reflection.

My dress looked the same as it had all night. A little rumpled, but essentially the same. With one minor exception.

The part Michael was touching had become transparent.

"Whoa," he whispered.

"How did you -"

"You're glowing," he whispered back.

"What?" I asked, turning to him.

"You're glowing," he said, staring at my reflection.

I looked back in the mirror -

He was right.

It was faint; you could barely see it. But little waves of energy were coursing beneath my arms, my shoulders, my neck. Everywhere.

And Michael's hand was resting on the small of my back.

He moved his hand slightly up my back. The dress faded and flickered under his touch, returning to black fabric when his touch left it, seeping into translucence when his hand stopped. His hand was still trailing light across my body.

"Michael," I breathed. "What are you doing to me?"

"Nothing," he whispered. "Everything - I don't know."

I turned back to face him, placed my hand on his chest. Over his heartbeat. He looked down at me.

I could feel his heartbeat speed up. His breathing was heavy.

I concentrated, tried to manipulate the fabric. Nothing.

That was stupid, I thought.

{No it wasn't.}

I smiled. {Thanks.}

He leaned in to kiss me and I leaned in to meet his lips.

My lips were bruised and I didn't care. My skin was pulsing with some kind of alien glow and I didn't care. Michael's hand was on my back, on my skin, and I liked the way it felt.

I didn't want anything to stop.

His hand was frozen on my back. He wanted to move it, to touch more of me. I could feel it.

I reached my hand around my back and slid my fingers between his, intertwining our hands, and pulled gently, dragging his hand with mine. He moaned and crushed me against him.

{Are you sure -}

{Yes,} I thought.

His heart beat faster. Mine was trying to keep up. His hand slid over my back, trailing warmth and light and intensity, and I thought my heart would burst. His other hand was on my face, caressing my cheek, sliding over my skin to my mouth, down my neck, then up again to rest on my pulse. I gasped.

A wave of energy rushed through my body. Then another. Again. Faster.

I could feel his heartbeat hammering under my hand. I could hear mine pounding. The rhythms accelerated, trying to matched each other. I tried to breathe.

{- Michael-}

Our heartbeats aligned, matched each other.

There was a rush of energy, and something inside both of us just -

-opened up.

Several things happened at once.

***********************

I felt something happen to my room. Thunder with no sound. A tsunami of energy circled out, out from us, faster than anything I'd ever felt, faster than I could think.

The window to my room shattered.

Warm electricity slipped through every nerve in my body. And Michael's.

The floor rippled as if an earthquake was starting right beneath us.

Our hearts stopped.

***********************

"Liz," Michael said. "Liz, are you okay?"

I opened my eyes.

I was standing in the center of my room, my arms wrapped around him.

Holding on for dear life. I took in a breath.

My heart was beating.

"Ye - yes," I stammered. "I think so."

"Here, sit down," he said, moving me over towards the bed. I sat down. The room looked the same as it did yesterday and every day before that. All the intense colors and details were gone.

He moved his hand over my window and I watched the glass reform itself into the windowpane.

"Michael, how did you know to do that?"

"I don't know," he said, moving away from the window and kneeling in front of me. "But now it's fixed. Are you sure you're okay?"

I swallowed and put my hand over my heart. "Yeah," I said, not entirely sure. "I think I'm fine."

I heard noises outside my room. "Liz?" My dad called out.

"Get down!" I hissed. Michael dropped to the floor. I threw the covers back and scrambled under the quilt. My bedroom door opened.

I've got to get a lock, I thought.

My dad was standing in the doorway. "Are you okay, honey?" he asked.

"Dad?" I mumbled, pulling the covers up around my neck.

"Yeah, honey. I just -" he shook his head and looked at my window. "I just thought I heard something," he said.

"Mm," I breathed.

"Did you - feel something? Like a quake?"

"Hm-mm," I mumbled.

"Oh," he said, looking back towards his bedroom. "Our alarm clock's out." He reached into the hallway and flicked a switch. "So's the hallway light. Strange."

I waited.

"Well," he said, closing the door. "Good night, honey."

{Liz -}

{Don't move, Michael.}

I heard steps shuffling down the hallway and started to breathe again. When it was quiet, I pushed the covers off and leaned over the bed. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

{Yeah,} he thought, his face level with mine. He was smiling. {I'm great.}

I looked at my alarm clock. It was blank. Not even any blinking lights. Just a faint smell of smoke.

{Michael, do you see my watch anywhere?}

{Your watch? It's not even close to sunrise.}

{No, just - just look for it, alright?}

He shrugged and looked around. We found it in a few seconds. It wasn't working, either.

I looked out at the string of lights on the rooftop. Michael followed my gaze.

All of them were out.

"Liz, what happened?" he whispered, looking out the window.

"Okay," I said slowly, "I think that we caused an EMP."

"A what?" he asked, turning back to me.

I looked at him. "An EMP, Michael," I murmured. "An electromagnetic pulse."

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