Cadmium. n. Symbol Cd. A soft, bluish-white metallic element, occurring primarily in zinc, copper and ores. It is easily cut with a knife and is used in low-friction, fatigue resistant alloys, solders, storage batteries, and in rustproof electroplating. Atomic number 48, atomic weight 112.40…I looked up from the dictionary on my lap and flipped through my chemistry book until I found the periodic table, frustrated. Of course Webster's didn't have anything on cadmium X. Nasedo told them the FBI made it up.
Which meant it was probably real.
And we had no idea what it was…
I was terrified that whatever it was, it was inside of me.
I kept thinking about the glowing hickey on my neck. How it turned black in just a few hours. How my Mom said I was burning up when I came back from Michael's apartment that night…
And even though I didn't want to think about it, I kept thinking about me and Michael. About the EMP. The light we could trail across each other's skin. Communicating. All of it. It was just…I sighed and tried to concentrate. It was really upsetting.
Michael and I had always assumed that it all of those things came without any bad side effects. I mean, it all seemed so…good. So real.
What if all those things were possible because of cadmium X?
I mean, was it in me at all? Was it what enabled Max to heal me? There were no outward side effects to Max healing me. It was like I was never shot.
Except for flashes. And glowing hickeys that turned black and rough to the touch. And pulses, and glowing skin, and…
I frowned and tapped my fingers nervously. Whitaker said that a nuclear analysis showed traces of cadmium x in the 1972 murder. Maybe it was just trace element left behind when Nasedo killed…
I shook my head. I didn't even know that Max or Michael released the same element when they used their powers. For all I knew it was just a by-product of how Nasedo killed. It didn't necessarily follow that Max and Michael used their powers in the same way - Max and Michael's powers were totally different, as an example - or even if they were, that the by-product of their use of their powers was exactly the same. Maybe Max left a different trace element in me when he healed me than when Michael and I were -
I blinked. When you were intimate…
I looked up at my mirror, remembering standing there with Michael.
I dragged him over to the mirror, placed him in front of it, then stood perpendicular to the mirror, staring at his reflection. "Watch," I whispered, trailing my hand over his skin.
His skin glowed under my touch. His jaw dropped. "How can you -"
{I don't know,} I thought, watching his reflection. {I just can. What did it feel like?}
{...electric, I guess. Warm. Your hands are warm.}
Just like when he touched me…
I blinked and my reflection surfaced into focus. I swallowed and reached for my physics book, ignoring the phone when it rang. I looked up at third ring.
"Mom?" I called. No answer. I stared at the receiver.
You can always hang up…
I snatched it just before the machine was about to pick up. "Hello," I said, my voice strained, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Liz? Hey. Are you busy?"
Alex. I exhaled and felt my shoulders relax. I closed my eyes. "Uhm - hey," I said quietly, glancing back at my books. "No, I'm not busy. I'm just-" I shook my head. "Never mind. What's up?"
"You okay?" He asked quietly. He sounded concerned. "You sound worried."
"Oh, I was just, uhm - I was just trying to find something on cadmium X," I mumbled, waving my hands. I sighed loudly. "I don't know why," I mumbled, flipping some pages. "I can't find anything."
"Irony rears its ugly head," He said drily.
I frowned. "Sorry?"
"I'm doing the same thing," He said. "Isabel suggested I look into it, and I'm coming up empty. All I can find is stuff on the earth element cadmium, but obviously that's no good, and…" He snorted. "Don't ask me. I'm lost. I don't even know why she asked me. You're Science Girl."
I smiled a little. It'd been years since he'd called me that. "Well, you're Technology Boy," I said. "Maybe she thought you could hack into the FBI files or something. Like with Topolsky."
"Yes, well," He snorted. "Like I haven't been trying that all summer. Listen, you wanna combine forces?"
I blinked. "Uhm - sure," I said. "Yeah. It couldn't hurt."
"Cool," He said. "Alright, I know you're offline, so just lemme pack up my laptop and I'll be over."
I smiled weakly. I felt suddenly grateful for our friendship, for how well he knew me. "Thanks, Alex."
"Sure." I could tell by his voice that he was smiling. "See you in a bit. Bye."
I said goodbye and hung up, taking a breath and picking up another book, flipping the pages. I was halfway through Properties of the Elements when I suddenly looked up, staring at my computer.
It'd been down since Michael and I had released the EMP months ago.
I know you're offline, so just lemme pack up my laptop…
How did he know?
*******
It was cold. The temperature was dropping fast. I barely felt it.
I caught a glimpse of red and blue lights reflecting off the walls of the canyon and shut the bike off. I was still half a mile away. I'd stash the bike and walk down to the edge of the cliff. I could see everything from there.
I'd just propped the bike against the rock wall when I saw him. A deputy. Latino. I didn't recognize him. Must be new, I thought.
And then I noticed the barrel of the gun pointed at my chest.
"Get your hands up over your head," He said, his voice low and growling, his accent coloring the words.
Damn. I pursed my lips and raised my arms up. "Look," I said slowly. "Officer, I was just out for a ride -"
"Back up," He muttered, waving the gun down the road. "Move."
I glanced at the flashing lights behind him. "Look, Valenti knows me. You can ask him -"
"I said move," He muttered, stepping towards me, his eyes dark and angry.
"Alright," I said quickly, gesturing with my hands. I stared at the gun before turning my back and walking back the way I'd came. "Alrightalright."
*******
"License."
I rolled my eyes, staring at the desert stone in front of me. He'd walked me around the bend of the road so we couldn't see the lights anymore - which also meant they couldn't see us, I thought - and told me to put my hands against the rock. This guy watched too much NYPD.
"In my wallet," I muttered. "Back pocket."
I heard his footsteps coming toward me, and then his hand moving quickly over my jacket and my legs, patting me down, stepping back when he was satisfied I didn't have a gun. Jesus. He grabbed my wallet and I heard him step back.
"I can't believe this," I mumbled against the rock wall. "Look, are you arresting me or what? 'Cause I've got rights."
I heard a clicking sound behind me and light pooled against the canyon wall. He'd turned on a flashlight to check out my ID. After a minute the light went out. "Alright," He muttered. "Turn around."
I let my hands drop. "Finally," I muttered, turning around. "Look, I told you -"
I stared at the man in front of me. Pierce smirked at me, a slow, lazy grin spreading across his face.
{Hi, Michael.} Nasedo whispered in my brain. {Miss me?}
*******
I scowled and tried not to panic.
It wasn't working.
"Something wrong, Michael?" He asked easily, tilting his head to the side. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"What're you doing here," I hissed, looking to one side and then the other. "You just shapeshifted, you idiot, anyone could've seen you -"
"But nobody did," He said easily, smiling. I glanced down. The gun was still pointed at me. "And as for why I'm here, well, I just keep having to clean up after you, Michael," He said, the smile fading from his face. "Why is that?"
I licked my lips. Screw it.
"I've got better things to do," I said, starting to walk past him, back to the site.
He stepped in front of me, making that tsk-ing sound of disapproval."I'm sorry, Michael," He said, shaking his head, smiling. "See, I can tell when you're about to use your powers, and I think I can pull this trigger before you can knock me into the canyon. So let's do the math here. Who's got the gun, Michael?"
I stared at him.
"Why, look! That would be me," He said. His eyes narrowed and he leveled the gun at my chest. "So you are going to listen to me, Michael."
"I'm not gonna be your whipping boy," I murmured.
He laughed, low and mocking, and stepped closer.
"Michael," He whispered, "you're going to be whatever I want."
*******
I glared at him. Think of something, Guerin. Think -
"You like being him, don't you?" I asked quietly. "Being Pierce."
He paused for a moment and then shrugged, stepping away. "It does have its...perks," He said carelessly. "And it's not just the power. That, I'm used to. No, Pierce is very… popular. He has… style. Charisma."
"Style," I repeated unbelievingly.
"Oh, yes, Michael," He said, focusing back on me. "Don't tell me you never noticed."
"I was a little busy killing him to pay much attention," I snapped.
"Yes," He said slowly. He shrugged and paced a few steps, waving the gun in dismissal. "Well. Take my word for it. It's quite true. Did you know some women find him immensely attractive?"
"Really," I muttered, folding my arms. "That's fascinating."
"Oh, you have no idea, Michael," He grinned, staring up at the stars. "The things they did, the things they wanted to do…Oh, but wait," He said suddenly, turning around to face me with a leer. "You would know, wouldn't you?"
I didn't say anything.
"It's a totally different life," He mused. "Particularly from Ed Harding… or anyone else I've been. These women, they're just - wanton. So very reciprocal to the slightest advance, the smallest hint that they could have him…"
"Thanks for the mental picture," I muttered.
"It's so - liberating," He said, shaking his head. "And so entrapping, all at the same time... Sex, I mean. No wonder it's all these damn humans think about." He smiled vaguely at me and stepped closer. "I can see how you got caught up in it, Michael."
"What do you want," I said, my voice low, watching the gun weave and bob as he talked, always coming back to center on me, on my chest.
"Well, I wanted to see how you were doing, Michael," He said quietly, moving behind me. "And, well, since we're on the subject… I've told you my stories," He said, pressing the barrel against my back. "Why don't you tell me yours?"
"Not interested," I growled.
"Why, Michael," He said. "Haven't you ever heard of male bonding? How satisfying it is to share your sexual adventures with your friends?"
"You're not my friend."
"Yes, but Miss Parker is," He whispered. "You know, the only time I've had this much fun was when she and I ran off to the carnival."
"You mean when you kidnapped her."
"Whatever," He murmured. "Tell me - what was it like, Michael? I mean, how did it feel to finally get past those ivory, dimpled knees of hers?"
"You're boring me," I snapped.
"Really? Oh, I don't think so," He whispered, closer now, close enough for me to feel his breath on my neck. He slid the barrel of the gun up between my shoulder blades, over the left side of my back, coming to rest against my neck.
"Was it just as exquisite as you'd imagined? I mean -" He laughed slowly, his voice warm and husky. "Michael, really. I have to know…Is she one of those still, quiet ones? Or is she really more of a -"
My fist shot up over my shoulder and I heard the loud crack of bone. He dropped to the ground and I turned around fast, snatching the gun from him. He looked up at me, stunned, wiping the blood from his mouth.
"I think it's time for you to be someone else," I whispered, leveling the gun at him.
*******
He laughed quietly, standing up and leaning against the rock face of the canyon. His mouth was still bleeding. "Oh, Michael," He said. "We both know you're not going to pull that trigger."
My eyes flickered to a small rock next to him. I took a breath and focused on it. He jumped to the side when it exploded.
"There's a lot about me you don't know," I said evenly.
He looked back at me, his eyes registering surprise. "That's good, Michael. That's very good."
I blinked. "I don't need your compliments. Just tell me why you're here."
He pursed his lips and shrugged. "Fine," He said, waving his hands. "Have it your way. You know, you're surprisingly predictable, Michael," He said, his tongue flickering over his open lip. "I expected you to be here, and I made sure I had some... insurance."
"Insurance," I repeated. "Right. English, please. What the hell are you talking about?"
"The crime site contains a certain property of yours, Michael," He said, dabbing gently at his lip. "One that can incriminate you. If I decide I can trust you, then I'll eliminate your fingerprints. If not..." He shrugged. "Then your precious sheriff can lock you up."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said. "What do you -"
"Remember that knife you had, Michael?"
I blinked and steadied the gun. "What?"
"A knife. One of those switchblade-swiss army type of things," He murmured, stepping closer. "You owned one. You lost it. Remember?"
I frowned, staring at him. "What did -"
"I took it from your house," He whispered. "When you were crawling to the couch. Remember?"
I grimaced and pulled my body up onto the couch, sliding back against the cushions, my eyes focusing on the ceiling. I heard him rustling through my things and thought about telling him to stop -
I swallowed hard. I'd always wondered where I'd lost it...
I hadn't lost it. He'd stolen it. And my fingerprints were all over it...
"I want the same thing I always wanted," He said deliberately, standing up straight, adjusting his tie. "I want to be sure your loyalties are in the right place. With Max."
"Look," I said quickly. "Liz and I have broken it off. You know that. You were at her house that night, you know that -"
He nodded. "Yes. I was. But I thought you could use a refresher course, Michael," He whispered, stepping closer. I frowned and gripped the gun tighter.
"If I sense anything, if I even suspect anything," He whispered. "Then your fingerprints will be on that knife when they dust it, Michael, and you'll be in a cell where I can keep an eye on you. Got it?"
"I don't believe you," I whispered.
"Yes, you do," He whispered, moving closer to me. "Because you know I wouldn't hesitate to do it."
"Max would be totally on his own," I said, grabbing at straws. "He'd be vulnerable -"
"Who needs you when I'm around, Michael?" He whispered, staring at me.
I opened my mouth to say something and the words died on my lips.
"Now I'm going to go back to town," He said, straightening. "You might want to wipe your prints off the gun."
"Don't move," I snapped. I had to think of something -
"Or what?" He laughed, turning around to face me. "You'll shoot?"
"Maybe," I whispered, leveling the gun at his chest. "You want to take that chance?"
He grinned. "Goodbye, Michael."
He took off running. I followed him with the gun, narrowing my eyes and aiming for his back. You said you'd kill him. You said you'd kill him -
I lowered the gun before he disappeared into the night.
*******
"So she's the one you're gonna be working for?" Alex said, typing cadmium x into the search engine and turning to look at me. "Congresswoman Whitaker?"
"Yeah," I said quietly, sitting down on my bed. "I was as surprised as you. I didn't even know she was going to be at the hearing until today."
He frowned. "Liz, if she knows about… I mean, if she knows top secret stuff about the special unit, then -"
He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need to. Then working for her could be dangerous, I thought, staring down and plucking at a tiny hole in the knee of my jeans. She could be dangerous.
I heard him sigh and turn back to the computer monitor, turning his back to me. "Still searching," He muttered. "I've gotta get more memory in this thing."
I stared at my hands and bit down on my lip. I heard him twist around in his chair. There was a pause while he looked at me.
"You know, I'm sure this cadmium X stuff is nothing," Alex said. "Just a by-product of their powers."
I glanced up at him. "Right," I said quietly. "You're probably right."
"Liz," He said gently. "It's gonna be alright."
I took a deep breath and nodded, still staring at my hands, not wanting to look up. I didn't want him to see me cry... "I know," I whispered. "I'm just scared."
I heard him get up from his chair, moving next to me on the bed. His hand moved gently across my back.
"I mean, what if -" I pressed my lips together and took a breath. "What if none of this works out? And that stuff that they talked about in the hearing, Alex, that's got to be real," I said, looking over at him and shaking my head."I mean, Nasedo wouldn't have said they made it up if it wasn't really in the records..."
He nodded, thinking quietly.
"And this stuff, you know, whatever it is, it's - it's probably in me, and I don't know what it does," I said, my words tumbling out. "I mean - Alex, what if it causes cancer? What if I can't have kids? How do I even know if it's in my system, do I go to a doctor or send my blood in for an analysis? I can't even do that, because if I am - if it is in me, and I ask for tests that might find it, then how would I explain it?"
He frowned and shook his head. "Liz - look, I mean, granted, we don't know, but - I don't think that's what's going on here. You've been fine for the last few months. You know, no changes, nothing."
"Except for glowing hickeys," I whispered. "That, you know, turn black after a while, and my Mom telling me I'm burning up…"
His hand stopped moving on my back for just a second, and I glanced over at him.
"Liz," He said, "It's gonna be fine. I promise."
I didn't move for a second and then nodded quietly, completing the lie. Alex always tried to take care of me. Even when we were little kids. And now he was lying to me to make me feel better…
I swallowed and nodded. "Right," I said, looking down and brushing at my eyes quickly. "It's probably nothing, you know, it - it's nothing."
We was still staring at me, concerned, when the search results came up. "Finally," He muttered, moving back to the chair. "Alright, let's see what we've got."
*******
I stared down at the deputies, scanning the site, looking for a reflection of light, a footprint, anything. I couldn't see any evidence that Nasedo had been there.
Maybe they wouldn't find it, I thought, and snorted. Nasedo was a pro. They'd find it.
Even if they do, Valenti'll take care of it. It's no big deal. He'll take care of it -
One of the deputies shone his light into the brush and called something over to Valenti. He walked over and picked something up. I groaned and felt my heart speed up.
He was holding my knife.
*******
"A soft, bluish-white metal, easily cut with a knife," Alex read out loud. "Similar in respects to zinc, blah blah blah, releases a 'scream' when bending a bar form…" He shook his head and let his hands drop to his lap. "This is still all stuff about the earth element. It doesn't tell us anything."
"Well - maybe it's related, somehow. Maybe some of the properties or characteristics are similar, even if they're not earthbound," I reasoned. "I mean, why call it cadmium? Why not, you know, xantrop or something like that?"
Alex looked up at me. "Xantrop?" He asked.
I shrugged. "What? It was the best I could come up off the top of my head."
He rolled his eyes and turned back to the computer. "Okay, let's try another search engine. How about google," He muttered, typing it in. "Maybe they have something."
I stood up and took a breath. "I need a break. Do you want a drink, or something?"
"Sure," He muttered, drumming his fingers and staring at the screen. "Coke sounds great."
I smiled down at him. "Okay," I said. "Be right back."
I was almost at the door when I heard him suck in his breath. "Liz," He said slowly. "You better come look at this."
*********
I gunned the engine and leaned into the curve. Damnit. Valenti's deputy had bagged the knife and taken it with him. Which meant Valenti couldn't wipe it clean. Not that Nasedo couldn't come in as Deputy Juan Valdez and just put them back, I thought, scowling at the road.
I was five miles from Roswell when I felt a surge of Liz's emotions. It hit me so hard I nearly lost control of the bike.
She was scared. She was scared to death.
What if Nasedo's threatening her -
I slammed the bike into the next gear and the engine screamed ahead.
********
"Hazardous Waste List," I read. "California Code of Regulations, Title 22 -"
"Liz, it probably doesn't mean anything."
"Chemical names and common names for hazardous wastes and hazardous materials," I continued, staring at the screen. "The hazardous characteristics which serve as a basis for listing the chemicals are indicated as follows. C, corrosive; I, ignitable; R, reactive, or…" My voice trailed off.
"X," I read, my voice breaking. "Toxic."
*******
I slowed the bike two blocks from her house, getting off and reaching for the payphone.
It was the only thing I could think of. He'd made it clear that communicating was out. I just had to hope she picked up the phone.
I held the receiver to my ear and looked left and right before placing my palm against the phone, feeling my powers light up -
The dial tone sounded, and I punched the buttons. Pick up, Liz. Pick up -
*******
Alex looked over at the ringing phone. "Liz," He said gently. "You want me to get it?"
I nodded dumbly, still staring at the screen. Maybe it's not the same thing. Maybe it's entirely different. She said it wasn't human -
I heard Alex say my name. It sounded like he was miles away. I turned around to see him holding the phone out to me.
"It's for you," He said quietly. "It's Michael."
*******
"Michael?" She said, her voice soft. "What's wrong?"
She was crying. I could hear it in her voice. I had to get to her.
"Get him out of there, Liz."
"Michael, what -"
"Just get him out," I snapped. "I'll explain in a second."
There was a pause. "Alright," She whispered. There was a scratching sound and when I heard her speak again, her voice was muffled. "Alex - I'm sorry, can we, uhm - can we talk tomorrow?"
I couldn't hear his response. I couldn't hear anything. I was just about to drop the phone when I heard Liz sighing into the receiver. "He left," She said sharply. "You want to tell me what that was -"
"I'll be right up," I muttered, and hung up.
*******
I stared at the receiver in my hand, the connection gone dead. What was going on? I'd just thrown Alex out, something I knew he was going to have questions about later, and he knew it was Michael on the phone…
This wasn't like Michael at all. He was so determined that no one know anything about us, and he calls me?
I heard noise from the rooftop and saw the glint of silver as Michael climbed over the edge, striding purposefully toward my window. I felt my heart skip. He grabbed the window edge and shoved it open, climbing through.
"Michael, what's going on," I whispered. "What's wrong -"
"Nasedo's back," He interrupted, glancing around the room before grabbing me by the arm and dragging me toward the door. "Check the hall. Open the door slowly. If he reaches for you, I can grab him -"
"Michael, what are you talking about? Let go of me -"
He stopped dead and snapped around to face me. "I am not arguing about this," He whispered. "He could be out there right now listening -"
"How do you know he's back?" I demanded.
He pursed his lips, scowling. "I talked to him," He said. "Out at the site."
"What site?" I asked, working my arm loose and rubbing where he'd touched me. His grip was iron. I'd probably be bruised tomorrow -
"The place where we buried Pierce," He snapped. "Is that enough questions? Because I'm ready to -"
"Alex was here with me all night, Michael," I said suddenly.
That made him pause. His eyes narrowed. "What?"
"He's been here," I stressed. "Helping me research stuff. So if you talked to Nasedo tonight, Alex was here with me the whole time. The real Alex."
He stared at me, dumbfounded. "But you were -" He paused, licking his lips. "I mean - I felt -"
The words slipped through my body and the change reverberated through me. I felt.
"What?" I whispered, suddenly aware of how close he was. "What did you feel, Michael?"
He swallowed. His eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips and back again.
"Nothing," He said evenly, frowning. "Forget it. I'm going."
"No, Michael, wait," I said, moving in front of him. "Why'd you come here? I mean - what made you think Nasedo was here?"
He paused, still frowning at me. "You were scared," He said finally.
I stared at him for a moment. "You could -" I pressed my lips together and looked down, folding my arms before continuing. "You can still feel that?"
He didn't answer. Just stared at me, scowling.
"Okay," I whispered. "Well, it was, uhm -" I turned to gesture at the computer and then realized Alex had left it here. I'd been in such a hurry to get him out...
I closed my eyes. I'm sorry, Alex...
"It was something we found on cadmium X," I said, moving over to the chair in front of the screen, slumping down in the seat and covering my face with my hands. "That's all."
"What was it?" He asked suddenly.
I let my hands drop and waved them in dismissal. "Nothing," I murmured. "Just - it wasn't even about the alien cadmium X," I explained. "It was about the earth element cadmium. It's toxic to humans."
"So what?" He demanded. "What does that have to do with…"
His voice trailed off and I closed my eyes.
"Liz," He whispered. "You don't think that you…I mean, that we…"
"I don't know what to think," I whispered, listening to my voice crack. I took a ragged breath and looked at the computer screen. "I don't know anything anymore."
I heard him take a breath. When I looked over at him, his hands were running over his face, leaving his features flushed and raw. "I shouldn't have come here," He whispered. "I just -" His gaze fell on me.
What, Michael? You just… what? Love me? Need me? Say something, I thought. Please. Say anything -
He pursed his lips and jerked his thumb at the door. "So that, uhm - that was really…"
"Alex," I murmured. "Yeah."
He shook his head, his lips pressed together in a tight white line. He started pacing. "Great," He muttered. "That's great. That's just -" His voice trailed off and he sat down on my bed, his hands running roughly over his face, slipping over his hair.
"Don't worry," I whispered. "I'll think of something to tell him."
He nodded. "Right," He said. He sounded so - defeated. Helpless. I stood up slowly and moved over to the bed, sitting down next to him. He edged away from me slightly.
"Michael," I whispered. "Look, if Nasedo's back, then - then he could be anybody. He could be any of us."
"I know," He muttered, standing up, his voice frustrated. "Don't you think I know that? I mean - maybe we need a signal, or a code word, or something." He paused, standing still. "There's no way to tell."
"I can tell," I whispered.
He looked down at me. "What?"
I looked up at him and stood up slowly. "I know how to tell," I said again, my heart speeding up. This was risky. But I had to try something -
"How," He demanded, his eyes flashing. "Liz, you have to tell me -"
I shook my head. "I'll show you," I whispered. "Close your eyes."
"What? Why?"
"Just do it," I whispered. He scowled at me, opened his mouth to protest and then closed it again.
"Fine," He snapped, closing his eyes. I pressed my lips together and swallowed softly. Careful. Careful, Liz -
*******
I felt like an idiot. I was in her room with my eyes closed, waiting for some magic trick that would help us with Nasedo. I was just about to ask her to hurry up when I felt her breath against my lips...
And then it was too late.
I felt the soft, sweet warmth of her mouth, her right hand slipping against my palm while her other hand slipped into my hair, pulling me closer to her, the warmth from her body seeping into my skin -
I stepped back, stumbling slightly against her table but she moved with me, pressing the curves I'd memorized against me, her skin smooth and soft and I felt my hands slipping up her body, into the infinite silk of her hair, her mouth opening up under mine and her breath slipping into me and oh, God -
I pushed her back, hard, and she stumbled against her bed, falling against the mattress.
"What're you doing," I whispered thickly, my breath ragged. "How is that supposed to help -"
"It's how I can tell," She whispered, her lip trembling, her hands slipping up to cover her face.
"What?" I demanded. "Liz, what the hell -"
"That's how I knew the special unit had Max," She whispered.
I stared at her while the rage drained from my body. She'd kissed me. She'd kissed me...
Everything ached again.
"Liz," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't…"
"Don't say that," She said, her voice stronger now, angry and defiant. She stood up, blinking, the tears sliding down her cheeks. "I'm not sorry."
My heart lurched. She didn't understand. She wasn't going to. And I couldn't explain it to her…
"Liz," I whispered. "I didn't mean -"
"Don't you miss me at all, Michael?" She asked, her voice hoarse. She wrapped her arms around herself. "I mean, don't you - don't you want things back the way they were?"
I stared at her. My breath was coming faster, my heart was pounding, and she was so close...
"Don't you wish things were different?" She asked, her voice a whisper.
I blinked. "Yes," I said. She looked up at me.
"But they're not."
She flinched and recovered quickly. "They could be," She breathed.
I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "They can't."
"You're not trying hard enough," She whispered, her voice flooded with accusation. "You don't even care. You won't even think about it -"
"It's all I think about!" I yelled suddenly.
Her eyes flew up to mine, wide and afraid.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at her. "I didn't -" I breathed out and shook my head. "I'm sorry."
I moved for the window, getting out on the rooftop and swinging my body over the edge, moving fast so she wouldn't be able to stop me.
I was home before I realized she didn't even try.
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